From the Vault: P.S. I Hate You

I am declaring all out war against chick flicks, because expectations are getting way to high.

I was watching the movie “P.S. I love you” with my girlfriend, and I have never felt so betrayed by the male community. Gerard Butler, you fucking asshole. If you haven’t seen the movie, here’s the gist.

Butler and Swank are in love, and then Butler dies. Swank is all depressed and shit, and things aren’t going well for her. Then, Swank’s birthday rolls around, and she gets 10 letters from Butler, posthumously. The letters sends her on a trip overseas, to explore, meet people, blah blah blah. Each letter says, “P.S. I love you.” Insert gun into mouth.

After the movie was over, my girlfriend said things like, “Why don’t you ever write me letters?” and “Let’s take a trip to Europe.”

Butler, you letter writing bastard. I tried to explain it to her.

“Look, I’m not going to write you any letters” I said.

“Why not?” She asked.

“Well, first of all, you live down the street from me, so anything that I have to say to you, I’m pretty sure I can just walk down the street and tell you.”

“So, letters add imagination and mystery,” She said.

“So you’d rather have me write a letter that says, ‘Pick me up sometime today, I want it to be mysterious. Love you.’”

“No not like that,” She said, “Romantic letters, like in the movie.”

“Are you kidding? That shit never happens…”

“Yes, it does. People do it all the time.”

“No they don’t. He was dead. No dead man has ever sent 30 letters to his wife.”

“Well, what about the trip to Europe? People go to Europe all the time.”

“Yea, people with money go to Europe. I had to skip lunch just to rent this piece of shit.”

“It wasn’t a piece of shit. It was sweet.”

“We aren’t going to Europe.”

That’s it. I can’t sit through another one. Whoever is writing these movies needs to cut it out. Stop setting the bar so damn high. How about a movie about a guy who takes his girl to Burger King for a romantic date, and then she gives him head in the parking lot? Write that movie. That’s the movie I want to see. I wonder what my girl would say after seeing that one? I bet she wouldn’t be asking about a trip to Europe, now would she?

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