From the Vault: The Phantom

I was obsessed with The Phantom as a kid. If you’re not familiar with The Phantom, he’s the superhero who wears a purple spandex suit from head-to-toe, rides a white horse, and was played by Billy Zane in the mid-nineties film adaptation. And, go figure, I was the only kid in the neighborhood obsessed with The Phantom. I can actually remember the moment I…

From the Vault: No Explanation

  Last night, after getting out of work at 4:00am, I went to brush my teeth. I exited my bedroom, walked down the hall, and entered the bathroom. It’s a small half-bath – the kind where all the fixtures are small – small toilet, sink about waist high, tiny mirror. As I put toothpaste on my toothbrush, I realized I had to take a…

From the Vault: A Meditation on Trail Mix

  Trail mix is the unsung hero of snack food. It should rank higher in the world of delectable delights, but often it doesn’t. You may pass it in the convenience store, or at the grocery store, and say to yourself, “That looks good,” but then realize one of the ingredients is dried apricot, which you hate. Shitty ingredients seem to be what’s holding…

From the Vault: P.S. I Hate You

I am declaring all out war against chick flicks, because expectations are getting way to high. I was watching the movie “P.S. I love you” with my girlfriend, and I have never felt so betrayed by the male community. Gerard Butler, you fucking asshole. If you haven’t seen the movie, here’s the gist. Butler and Swank are in love, and then Butler dies. Swank…